Time attacks and heals. It separates yet brings together. It consoles yet puts one into a frenzy.
We cannot escape nor control it, we are victims, survivors or just plain parties at times beckoning and will. No matter how much we try to push away, it's there. Always changing, always creating, always different. Every moment is different, and never will there be a moment like the last.

No matter how we crave consistency there is no such thing because things, time, is always changing. Just when you think it's where you want it, it come at you with things you never expect. Will I live? Of course, but I live knowing that I don't control time, but instead abide by it's rules and presence.

Time does not heal all, because time cannot heal, nor does time make you forget, it only passes and our synapses do what they will as it does to help us cope.

The hookup never made it off the ground because my words here were too much for her to handle, does that mean I should curtail my words or delve even deeper into the darkness that is me? Will I scare off all the possible futures based on my words here, are women that shallow without intention? Are women such beasts to themselves that they cannot see past words on the web and look into someone's true existence? Has everything become a now or never affair? Or maybe it returns to the fact that time never is the same for everyone. And now for a woman is different for a man. What a woman sees and what I see are divergent and based on our own concept of time and place. It makes you think!

So what is time then more than a concept which prolongs pain and sorrow? What is time? When will time stop, pause, give me a chance to recover? Never, there is no such thing as a second chance with time, because once it happens it is done, it is history and past. No recoveries, no returns. All you have is future attempts, future chances that will be past. Do with them what you will, but know you can never truly repeat and take anything back. It's always new, always different.

Recently my brother had a conversation with one of his good friends from college, who has also been a good friend of mine for the past few years. They were talking about the usual life, work, relationships I guess, and somehow I came up. As it turns out she had a good friend, who is single and she thought her and I might be a good match. My first reaction was a stern "hell no I won't go." But it was at that point I was reminded that I had met her briefly at our mutual friend's b-day party at one point before, and that's when my interest and curiosity kicked in. The fact is when I had met her before I reacted in typical Dale fashion, by sitting away from the area she was in and wondering from a far. Social engagements and approaching women for casual conversation has never been my strong suite.

I talked to my brother about the possibility of the "Hookup" but told him I was very hesitant for numerous reasons. First and foremost I wasn't ready or looking for anything serious right now, because quite frankly I've had my fill. He kept saying I should just go ahead and see what happens, and again I just didn't feel it. Whenever I hear about a hookup, be it me or someone I know getting hookup up on a blind date or just casual conversation it always carries a stigma. That stigma is that both parties are obligated to move quickly and make more of this meeting then if they had just met on their own. I'm not quite sure I've worded that in a manner that truly explains my deep reservations with the hookup, but trust me, I always joke with my friends that they need to hook me up, but I rarely follow through if they attempt to.

I also gave him my musical New Years Resolutions,

1. Kayne West - Can't Tell Me Nothing
2. Timbaland - The Way I Are

If you know those songs and you know me, then you understand the reason I choose those two songs as my musical New Years Resolutions.

So I continue back and forth with my brother, and in fact at one point I decided that though I really wanted to meet this woman just to find out what she was about, that if it was to happen I should have taken the steps to make it happen at our friends b-day party. But finally after talking to our friend about it, I decided to take a shot, because I trusted her judgment. She explained that the woman was a very good friend of hers that she was very protective of and normally wouldn't do this if she didn't think we might be such a good match. And again, don't forget that I was really interested in getting to know this woman even more, there was just something about her that caught my attention, something that really called to me. Another major sticking point for me was the fact that I didn't think the reverse was true, in fact I don't think I ever hit her radar screen, so unless our friend had said something, there would be no chance to get to know her, because I would be written off. Take that with a grain of salt though, because I didn't even try at the party so it all depends on your perspectives or interpretation.

Well I got her AIM and sent a few messages back and forth, nothing serious, nothing crazy. Asked a few questions, answered a few, really simple stuff. I talked to my brother and I told him again, first and foremost I always loose my words when speaking to someone who I have even a small interest in, so it was difficult to be comfortable and talk to her in a manner that was loose and flowing, even over AIM. But no biggy, it was probably all in my head. Or was it? We'll eventually find out.

Then came the interesting part, I haven't been on here in a while but I was thinking of making a new entry and came on, checked my footprints and I noticed a Google search as the source for a footprint. I did some quick research, asked her a question and realized it was her. I asked her if she had Googled me and she said yes, she Googles everyone. And like my brother says, you can never be too safe nowadays. It was at this point I realized the possible repercussions having a blog with such raw emotions and personal reflection open to the world. I asked my brother and he simple said, "Hey, if I didn't know you and read you blog I would think you wanted to get married YESTERDAY!!" and I just had to chuckle because nothing is father from the truth. I am open to anything and everything, but first and foremost I have to get to know someone long before I could ever have a meaningful life with them and getting to know someone can take years. My brother also said something else that made me chuckle, apparently I have a "dark" blog. What does that really mean?

Ok, I'm off to lunch with the mutual friend for a lively debate and good sushi.